Thursday, January 18, 2018

BEST OF FILM 2018 BECAUSE I JUST CAN'T WRITE ABOUT TRUMP TODAY!

Here are the best films that I saw last year. If your favorite isn't on the list, like Shape of Water which I missed and am not happy about, understand these are ones I truly liked. And while there a was a lot of crap this year, there were also some real winners, especially if you like superhero movies which by and far were the best of all, minus Justice League of course. Let's see those winners.

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10)Mother-This film got some love from critics and an F from audiences. Part of that problem was they marketed this as a straight up horror film when in reality it was far more subjective and weird. JLaw stars as a married woman whose life in a country home goes bad when guests arrive and will not leave. The film gets stranger and stranger and even devolves into rape and cannibalism as the party guests become more and more insane and violent, This was not a film for everyone, the dead baby scene had many running for the toilet, but if you have a strong stomach and like these types of films, this one will haunt you for weeks afterward.

9)Get Out-What could have been a tirade against white people turned out to be a socially important, scary horror film directed by a comic who should have failed miserably at this but didn't. Jordan Peele is a front runner for best director and he should get it as this movie about a black guy finding members of his race being turned into Stepford wives in a CT town is really well done. The fact that Peele didn't go for the obvious racism angle made this a real winner.

8)John Wick 3- Any other year, this may have been my top pick. But because Marvel and even DC put out such strong work, this fell further down the list. Picking up a few weeks after the last one, Keanu Reeves returns as the quiet assassin, forced into a job that he does not want to do in Italy. We get to see even more of the Continental and even find out that it is global, with new tailors, gunsmiths and even a guy with blueprints to help our favorite anti hero. The violence is awesome and Ruby Rose is stunning as the mute bodyguard to the bad guy. A must see for action aficionados.

7)Star Wars: The Last Jedi- A lot of people I know did not like this movie. I was not one of them. I was actually thrilled that it was a new movie and not rehash as the last one was (not Rouge One which was new and different but the Force Awakens.) Daisy Ridley is gorgeous and I could stare at her all day, which is funny because apparently the Chinese say different. This movie is tanking there, petering out at around $50 million, and one of the reasons is audiences say the cast isn't pretty enough. Is the entire country gay? Part of the problem is Disney is putting out too many of these films and diluting the brand. The new Han Solo movie looks terrible for example and will most likely be the first Star Wars film I don't see in the theater. Maybe pull back a little guys as the world is getting sick of Star Wars.

6)The Big Sick- This is everything I love about films. A romantic comedy that thinks outside the box and becomes a real winner as a result. Kamil Nanajani wrote and stars here about an Uber driver who finds love with a white girl, even though his parents want a arranged marriage. When he breaks it off, she is devastated and in the process of getting through this, she gets real sick and falls into a coma. When he comes to visit, he meets her parents and realizes he made a huge mistake. The rest of the film is him and his ex-girl friends parents coming to terms with love, death and mistakes. Best of all, this is a true story about how Kamil met his wife in real life. Don't miss this great film which better be up for best picture.
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5)Spiderman- This movie should have sucked. It was the third reboot in a decades and the last two were just awful. But, when Marvel got involved again, they knocked it out of the park with this tale of high school Peter Parker (which is really what the character is) fighting the Vulture, played expertly by Michael Keaton. This movie is funny, sharp and fits right into the Marvel universe. We will see him again in Infinity Wars later this year which will probably be the greatest film ever made.

4)Guardians of the Galaxy 2- Another film that any other year may have hit the top spot. This was a winner in which the break out star was David Batista's Drax who was probably the funniest person in all of cinema last year. Considering how bad the comedies were this year that is not a high bar. Baby Groot got a lot of love, but Rocket was also a huge part of the movie as was Michael Rooker and Nebula who really added a lot of depth to what could have been a silly movie. And no film with Kurt Russel can ever really suck. This film was awesome and they too will be seen again in Infinity Wars, giving Thor a ride home apparently according to the previews.

3)IT- This was a really scary horror film that I will watching again real soon. Pennywise was terrifying and the cast, which had to measure up to the excellent ABC miniseries,  knocked it out of the park. Finn Wolfhard did double duty as both Richie and Stranger Things this year as he was the go to kid for 80's retro films and Sophia Lillis was a breakout star here. Expect to see her in many more things, like Millie Bobby Brown as 11 is now too. The first attempt at a screenplay died and thank god because this was way better than what I heard they wanted to do like change the names of everyone for no apparent reason. Watch this with the lights on.

2)Wonder Woman- The only good film from DC so far was awesome. Gal Gadot shines as the title character in such strong ways I am pissed she isn't up for best actress anywhere. Christ, best picture should be given to this anti war film but it won't because that gay drama about underage homosexuality is still up for awards, which strikes me as odd in the days of Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein. They do know this kind of stuff is unacceptable now right? I could stare at her reading the phone book and be happy
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1)Thor:Ragnarock- This film Ragnarocked. I knew it would as I am a huge fan of the director who I still felt got robbed of awards last year for the funny, charming Hunt for The Wilderpeople. By and far, this and Guardians were the two funniest movies of the year. Considering neither was actually one, that means comedies this year sucked and they did as you will see on my worst of lost coming soon. Hulk's face plant was hilarious and I am still laughing about it. From Jeff Goldblum as the Grandmaster to Loki having to team up with Thor, this film was non stop action and hilarity. I cannot wait to watch it again and again.

Runner ups- The Shape of Water, The Belko Experiment, Hitman's Bodyguard, The Foreigner, Logan, Kong: Skull Island, Dunkirk, Kingsman 2, Blade Runner 2049.

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

DONALD TRUMP IS SUCH A DOUCHEBAG THE WORLD MAY END BECAUSE OF HIM!

I warned people that if Trump became president, the world would most likely end. That prediction appears to be coming true in spades. Even worse, the Republican party is aiding and abetting him in true treasonous form. Our democracy is on the ropes and a third of this country is applauding it. What the fuck is going on anymore?
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The fact that traffic to this website has dwindled drastically tells me that no one cares anymore. I've told you what would happen for almost eight years now. It is the reason I write this as I was correct that mankind is too far gone to do anything about it. I also did it to see if one person can make a difference. The answer sadly is no. And it's getting worse. Stupidity is celebrated. Fame is the end game over substance. And because we cannot look at anything rationally anymore, our entire civilization is about to go poof.

Trump's shithole statement just threw cold water over any deal that could have been made with the democrats. As a result, there is a 75% chance of a government shutdown. Trump has been screaming about building the border wall which Democrats are never going to go for. DACA has been held up by the Freedom Caucus who want no part of it. They cannot pass a bill without democratic help and instead of negotiating, a factor that somehow our current president is WAY worse than Obama (a huge feat as until now, he was one of the worst presidents when it came to deals), he has stalled talks completely. Trump really is a moron as I have never seen anyone this bad at making deals, the ONE fucking thing he is supposed to be good at it and isn't.

Trump epitomizes the modern rich: stupid beyond words. They got their money not through skill or hard work but by luck or inheritance. As a result, they lost huge sums of money but made windfalls to cover those loses with other factors that went their way. Anyone else without unlimited funds would have lost it all years ago. Trump declared bankruptcy six times to avoid that which would have felled a poorer person. He isn't good at anything. He just has a lot of money helped by a system designed to keep him rich and the rest of us poor.
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When the government does shut down, most people are going to blame him and the Republicans according to several polls and they should as they are to blame here. There is a bipartisan bill that would pass the House and Senate, but Trump and the GOP leadership don't want to do that. So let's be clear, the only reason the government shuts down is because Trump, Ryan and McConnell are assholes not because the Democrats are dragging their feet. And that is going to sink them even further in November.

That is if we even get to November. Chances are high we go to war with North Korea long before that. After Hawaii got the scare of their of their lives thinking they had minutes to live, Japan just did the exact same thing. So either we have systems world wide to warn us of an incoming attack that are alarming way too easy to activate or this is done on purpose for nefarious reasons. I have a harder time trying to get out of Amazon Prime. Unlike America though, the Japanese went about their business as usual instead of panicking like the US did. The reason? They said why panic as they had no idea where to go and they would probably die soon anyway. Japanese people are weird in this but I like that attitude. I still think there are a few people who, thinking they were going to die, professed their love to another or told their boss to fuck off or slept with you roommate in what you thought would be your first and last gay encounter only to realize it was a mistake.

There is also another possibility that these tests are being done ON PURPOSE. There are psychological tests that could be given to us to see how we would react in the face of death. In that context, Japan passed while we acted like drunken idiots. Figures. The more likely explanation though is human stupidity. The election of Donald Trump proved there is no invisible hand fixing elections (unless the Russian count) and there is no Illuminati running the world. No way would they let that happen as it has destabilized a world they need to live on too.

We know that 46,000 troops went somewhere, most likley South Korea or Japan. We know that there are several aircraft carriers and at least one nuclear powered sub off the coast. We know they have been training several groups for things like nuclear disarmament plans against them, assassinations of Kim Jun Un, and the effect of drone strikes on their infrastructure. On the flip side, we know North Korea is building another nuke test site after their last one collapsed killing hundreds. And we know that a test flight last year went rogue and wiped out one of their cities. If that happens and Japan gets hit, it is game over.
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We are headed for a collusion course with North Korea the same as the looming government shutdown. If we had a president with more than a single IQ digit, I would feel a lot better about our future. But because we have pudding heads running the government now, our time appears to be coming to and end.

You could have stopped all of this America. But you didn't. And now we all have to pay the price. We get what we deserve. We are all to blame for what will almost certainly be the end of the world. We'll see how much longer I keep doing this as, to be honest, it is barely worth it. I make no money off of this and few are reading this anymore. So if I disappear one day, know I did what I could but I have better things to do than this. Wise up America. Open a fucking book once in a while.

Sunday, January 14, 2018

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: DONALD TRUMP! AGAIN AND AGAIN!

Should be back to regular posting this week which is just in time to watch Republicans sink fast. Every stat, poll and pundit says there is no chance the Democrats don't take the House next year and that isn't considering there is a strong chance the Supreme Court is going to overrule gerrymandering laws, as a NC federal court just did, and action that could gift democrats three seats in that state alone with no effort. All of that would have been bad enough, but after Orange Hitler went full on racist behind closed doors, all hell broke loose. The clock is ticking on the Trump presidency. Let us see those runner ups.
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10)H&M- The level of ignorance in corporate america today is truly stunning. In what can only be described as tone deaf to the nth degree, this company thought in their infinite wisdom that making t-shirt with pithy comments on them would be cute, while somehow not noticing how fucking racist the ad campaign and clothing line were. In a photo shoot, one that would have required dozens to oversee this and not see a problem, decided that putting a little black kid in a green hoodie with the words "smartest monkey in the jungle," was not going to be a problem. They were of course, very, very wrong. People complained to high heaven and in South Africa, were anti-white sentiment is growing, their stores were vandalized. Those clothes are now pulled which makes me think that somewhere in Africa soon, some poor child is going to be wearing these when get donated and that is not any better. Wise up America.

9)Bella Thorne- Talk about spoiled white privilege. The red headed actress got herself in all sorts of hot water when she tweeted about how pissed she was she couldn't get to her boyfriend's concert because of mud slides. Twitter was quick to remind her that people died in that mudslide and she should show some respect. At least she acknowledged her mistake unlike some, the president hack cough, but still our youth have to realize the world does not revolve around them and them alone.

8)Anthony Fontana- Another asshole who doesn't realize the world has changed. This Louisiana superintendent was confronted by a teacher during a open hearing as to why it was okay he got a huge raise while the teachers have gotten nothing for years. He responded by having her arrested. All of this was caught on camera of course and now someone is getting death threats. There are cameras everywhere people. Act accordingly.
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7)Logan Paul- I hate internet stars. They are almost always loud, obnoxious losers with no filter and no talent. That being said, I was willing to give this guy a little slack for his tasteless video of finding a dead body in the suicide forest in Japan and then snickering about it. Then my Japanese fiancee showed me some other videos from her homeland and nope this guy is an asshole. I watched him act disgracefully at a temple, throw things at people that, had he done these same things here would have resulted in anywhere from a beating to getting shot, and other obnoxious actions. She begged me to put him on this list and I agree. He somehow makes around twelve million dollars a year doing this. Young people apparently have no sense of humor because this shit is rancid.

6)H.R. McMaster- Why is it that every general we get introduced to over the last few decades isn't fit to run a fast food joint let alone the most powerful military on Earth? This is what happens when you promote because of connections and not talent. People like McArthur and Patton would never have made the grade today and as a result we get idiots like Petreaus, Powell and McCrystal. Joining that list is this ass who for some inane reason is the brain power pushing for the "bloody nose" strategy in attacking North Korea, in which we launch some sort of token attack, showing we mean business. This scenario will almost certainly lead to a nuclear war and this ass, who allegedly studied Vietnam and all it's errors, is making the exact same mistake. Unbelievable!

5)#MeToo- This movement is really burning out fast. There was another spate of accusations this week and they got more and more bizarre as they went on. Paul Haggis' accusers got a slap to their face when his ex-wife defended him against several of the accusations, saying it was impossible for them to have happened, and there is solid proof of it, especially his back surgery that laid him out for weeks when some of these attacks allegedly happened. Eliza Dushku says she was molested on the set of True Lies and her story rings true. But then we whiplash back to accusations against James Franco, none of which I believe or in some cases, care. Two women were "distraught" he asked them to get naked on the set of the movie he was directing and was pissed when they wouldn't. Oh the horror. Acting sometimes requires nudity. Get used to it or find another job and no that is not sexual harassment. Aziz Ansari was even more distressing because the story against him seems like a guy trying to get laid and the woman not sure she wants to. However, she never once SAID no, instead, saying she gave "lots of nonverbal cues that she was not interested." Unless you say NO, guys are going to keep going. In no universe is thinking no the same as saying it. And can we leave Woody Allen out of this please? He had one, ONE accusations against him, made by his ex-lover days after he left her for her step daughter. Yeah, no motive to lie there. Can we get back to evidence before we condemn someone to death please?
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4)Hawaii- If you were in Hawaii yesterday, there was probably a run on clean underwear after some idiot hit the wrong button and told the entire island that a nuclear missile was on the way and they should kiss their ass goodbye. Panic ensued for 38 MINUTES where children were thrown into storm drains, stores were emptied of goods and, most likley, an awkward exchange between roommates who decided to fuck as the world was about to end. The fact this went on for 38 minutes before anyone realized it is even worse than the initial mistake.

3)Joe Arpaio- In what can only be described as a gift for democrats, disgraced ex-sheriff and convicted felon (now pardoned) has decided to run for the Senate seat. Roy Moore part 2 anyone. This act has sent Bannon acolyte Kelly Ward to the bottom of the polls and she tried to distance herself from Bannon  and Arpaio while also saying she loves Trump, which doesn't really work as Trump and Arpaio are best buds. Now it comes down between McSally and Arpaio and, as a result, a hard right primary that may fatally damage whoever wins. Arizona is looking more and more likley to go blue, especially if Arpaio wins the primary, this will send Hispanic votes rallying against him, like black people did in Alabama. If McSally wins, she may be too heavily damaged to win the moderate votes she needs. Good luck Arizona. You are going to need it.

2)Republicans- What a spineless bunch of butt lickers these guys have turned into. Several more house seats opened after two California Republicans, Issa and Royce, saw they had zero chance of winning reelection and bolted for the hills instead. Trey Gowdy stepped down from the ethics chair, signaling that Trump may be in more trouble than we think. The crowning achievement was bending themselves into a pretzel to either deny or obfuscate the president's racist statements during a meeting. Cotton and another Senator said they never heard the president call Africa a "shithole," meaning they are both deaf and should get fitted for a hearing aid because many others there confirm he said just that. They are going to get walloped later this year at this rate.
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1)Trump- This week, he proved he is a racist. After calling Africa a "shithole," he then asked we why we don't have more people coming to America from places like Norway. So to recap, he asked why are there so many brown and black people coming here and not enough white people? Yeah that is not racist at all. Besides, no one from Norway comes here willingly because it is way better to live there than here. They have free health care, six weeks vacation and make twice as as much as the average person here. Yeah, they will be lining up to halve their salary and benefits? The denial he said was laughable as he definitely said this. This of course set up it's own shitstorm as Africa demanded an apology and Haitian Americans like Congresswoman Mia Love called him out over his racist comments. Pundits bent over backwards to clarify the statements but they went nowhere fast. This was Hillary's deplorable comment all over again. Africa is indeed a shit hole. But the people aren't. I dated a girl from Haiti back in college and have known several black immigrants from places like Ethiopia and Somalia over the years and the one thing they all had in common was a drive to work real hard. Lazy is not in their vocabulary. Who doesn't want people like that here? Orange Hitler apparently who wants everyone to be a lot more Aryan. Who does that remind you of? Trump is a monster who thankfully seems to be on borrowed time. Democrats are poised to take back the House and every poll shows Trump losing in 2020 to literally everyone, including Oprah. His days may be even further numbered when Mueller comes out with what will almost certainly be damning evidence against him. So enjoy it while you can Trump because you are indeed douchebag of the week.

Saturday, January 6, 2018

DOUCHEBAG OF THE WEEK: JEFF SESSIONS!

Sorry for the spotty columns but I am surprisingly busy at a time where normally I have nothing to do. Trump is clearly losing his marbles and a new book this week confirms it as does a leading expert of dementia who says she went to the White House to tell them exactly that. Our president appears to be no longer in full control of his faculties and that still didn't get him the top spot as Jeff Sessions appears to be swirling the drain by literally pissing off just about everyone regardless of party. That takes talent. Let's see those runner ups.
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10)Mother Nature- Fuck it is cold. I was supposed to go to Boston this weekend but it was too freaking freezing to even contemplate it. The temperature right now is around 15 below zero and it's only one o'clock. Tonight the temperatures are going to drop to around thirty below. It is going to be colder in some places on Earth than on Mars tonight. BRRRRRRR! Oh and this is explained by climate change as weather patterns are being disrupted causing the jet stream to drop like this so if someone says some pithy comment about global warming, smack them up with science and perhaps a slap to the face.

9)Cleveland Browns- Congrats to the Browns for being only the second team in history to not win one game against anyone. Way to go. Even worse, the last game was a worthless one for their opponents, the Steelers, so they sat out all of their major players for the day and they still lost. It is pretty sad if you can't win against a B team with no reason to fight. Even more stunning is their coach, with a combined two season record of one win and 31 loses, still has his job. Why?

8)Stock Market- The Dow has been soaring lately. It is also way overdue for a correction, one that will most likley be at least thirty percent and chances are good it will happen this year. All signs point to a slow down such as terrible job numbers last month that both the press and White House are jumping up an down about which strikes me as odd. We only gained officially around 150,000 but not much worse than a year ago. However as that number overestimates job growth by around 120,000, most likley only thirty thousand jobs were actually created and all signs point to even further slowing as has been happening since 2014. When the bottom falls out, Trump, who has been taking credit for an economy he had nothing to do with, will get a face plant when it all goes south.

7)Star Wars: The Last Jedi- I haven't seen this movie yet which probably explains why it isn't do so well. It also doesn't help that the target audience are people like my eight year old nephew and he didn't care for it. I can't say what the problem is until I see it later this week, but movie going is slowing down in general for two major reasons. One, the films that came out this year were overwhelmingly terrible and people are going less, myself included. And two, movies are so expensive and terrible, it is far cheaper to stay home and watch it on Netflix of cable. Considering credit card use went way up this year says people are tapped out again and that means a crash is coming. Putting out a Star Wars movie every year is also probably not a wise business decision either. Next year gives us the troubled Han Solo movie. I don't think it will do that well is current trends continue.
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6)#Metoo- We are getting dangerously close to a point where men and women cannot work together anymore. This week came unsubstantiated claims against Ben Vereen and Paul Haggis. Vareen has admitted he acted badly (can no man keep it in his pants anymore?) while Haggis seems unknown, especially as the main accuser appears to be a blackmailer. Three others have come forward but what they are suggesting, rape and the like, could be true or it could be attention seekers.My problems now is why didn't this come out months ago. Are newspapers just sitting on stories waiting for one to break away from the others or are women coming forward with dollar signs in their eyes? It is getting to a point where women are going to be treated way different at work from men and their careers will suffer for it.

5)Iran- The country erupted in anger this week, setting up mass demonstrations in a place where that is normally forbidden. The biggest crowds since 2009, they chanted things like "death to the Ayatollah," a welcome refrain from death to America. Police stations were attacked as well. This is far different than 2009 as that had to do with an election dispute while this is about economics. People are mad about lack of jobs and high inflation. Sounds like both Iranian citizens and US citizens agree that their governments suck.
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4)Republicans- These losers are trying to kill this country. There has been a concerted effort to diminish the news, the FBI and everyone in this country not a Republican. They have gone after everyone in law enforcement who isn't a Trump butt kisser. They have attacked Mueller as corrupt and out of his depth. They say Trump is a genius. None of that is true. What is true is that anyone voting for these assholes should be shot. Traitor comes to mind as a word.

3)Steve Bannon- Sloppy Steve got run over this week when all the power he construed came crashing down. The book Fire and Fury along with an interview in the Guardian, showed Bannon throwing serious shade at the President. As a result, his major backer, the Mercers, pulled all their funding and rumor is he is going to be fired from Breitbart. So much for running for President in 2020. You'll be lucky to get a job at Barnes and Noble.

2)Trump- What an ass he was this week. The book that came out scorched him badly and instead of damage control he all but guaranteed it to be a huge hit by screaming about it like a two year old. Ironically, that is the common theme of the book where everyone who meets the president thinks he acts like a child. His tweets have become even more deranged lately and many in the expert fields say Trump is showing clear signs of dementia, a fact I concur with. Check out old videos of Trump and he comes across far smarter than now. There is something wrong with the man who not only has access to nuclear weapons but an insane desire to use them. If we don't get rid of this man soon, we may all perish.
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1)Jeff Sessions- Nobody was as stupid and unaware as the rabid Keebler elf found this week when he managed to piss off just about everyone, Republican and Democrat alike. The Freedom Caucus wants him gone so they can get a lackey in there to fire Mueller and demanded that this week. Vulnerable politicians in pro pot states lost their minds when dumbass rescinded an Obama era law that prevented federal prosecutors from going after legal weed. The damage was immediate. Polls showed that now 80% want Sessions fired for this. Senator Cory Gardner from Colorado told Sessions he will holdup all Justice Nominees until he backs off and the federal prosecutor of the same state told Sessions to pound sand. He got sued by several states and a twelve year old girl who has NO seizures since being prescribed weed. Good luck with that. Part of me wants him gone and the other part wants him to stay so Mueller doesn't get fired causing the next revolution to begin, which it will. This guy, like almost all of Trump's picks so far, have been horrendous but I have to say he has been the worst at it, barely edging out Betsy Devos. Ryan Zinke or whatever ass will soon run the EPA. Congratulations Jeff Sessions, you are indeed douchebag of the week.

Columns will be spotty again this week. I will be back by Wednesday or Thursday to explain what giant fuck up will happen with Trump at the helm. Impeachment better happen soon because we are not going to last three more years.

Saturday, December 30, 2017

DOUCHEBAG OF THE YEAR: DONALD TRUMP! LIKE IT WAS EVER IN DOUBT!

This was a bad year for douchebags. Just about everyone or everything you though was good turned out to be a lump of coal with the world spinning wildly out of control. Neighbor is turning against neighbor as our tribal nature returned with a vengeance. 2018 could be the end for all of us and because no one is taking a stand beyond a worthless protest or petition, we face unimaginable horror next year. But before we get to the hellhole 2018 promises, let us look back one more time at the people who really deserve our scorn.
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16)Hillary Clinton- Can this witch go away already? Her book "What Happened?" is a fitting epitaph to 2017 which had many a person asking that very question. Let set aside the book, which was a shooting spree of accusations against everyone but herself as to why she lost which was obvious to anyone not a idiot: she is NOT likable. Not everyone is made to be a politician. She wasn't in spades and it showed. We are still being subjected to daily Clinton tirades from Orange Hitler and his minions, the latest being "classified" emails found on Anthony Weiner's wife, who should have been cut loose months before any of this was an issue. I doubt any of these emails will matter as I guarantee all were classified after the fact, a stupid but real thing the government does that is completely ineffective in its usefulness. I just want her to go away for a while, maybe forever. Every second she is out there, Republican arrows have a target, distracting us from things that really matter.

15)Martin Shkreli- Pharma Douche had a bad year. He got convicted of securities fraud and then had his bail revoked after posting a bounty of $5000 for anyone who could get him a lock of Hillary Clinton's hair. He currently sits in prison waiting his sentencing next month. On top of that, his former lawyer was convicted of the same type of crimes and is currently awaiting his turn in court to for sentencing too. I pray he goes to a real prison but chances are he goes to some country club and gets out richer than when he got out. Still, him locked up for a few years is better than nothing.

14)Climate Change Deniers- There is NO doubt the world is getting warmer. Even if Captain Tangerine Kurtz tweets differently, showing he has no idea what the difference is between weather and climate, it is still happening. Worse, chances are it is too late to do much about it. The Earth will most likely kill most of it's inhabitants by 2100 at current levels. Now as I will most likley be long dead by then, barring some life extending miracle, this won't affect me. But to those born today, they will as will their children. What we leave them will be burnt toast. We can slow down, maybe even fix the problem if the world wants. But we won't so kiss the planet goodbye.

13)Russia- These assholes are still inferring with our society. I have seen hard evidence that even beyond the election they have stuck their dirty little paws in everything from the #MeToo movement to the election of Roy Moore to stories about the Nazis in Charlottesville. And because we have a Manchurian President, we are doing noting to stop it. Oh and Putin may be the world's richest man, worth at least 200 Billion and probably a lot more than that. We need to start treating the Russians for the enemy they are.
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12)The Media/Fox News- All media sucked this year but none fell as hard as Fox News did. With the ouster and death of Roger Ailes and with him most of their major talent for one reason or another, Fox looked like they might rebrand and go more mainstream. Instead they took a hard right and became basically State TV. The channel, other than a few people like Chris Wallace or Shep Smith, have become unwatchable North Korean type drek. Hannity is bordering in traitorous behavior and Fox and Friends have become both a propaganda wing and an echo chamber for the president who loves this show. Down with Fox News and their advertisers. Boycott anything on that channel. CNN may suck but their aren't trying to kill me. Add to that the Sinclair Group who are now taking over local news and making them just like Fox. Our democracy is in trouble people. Wake up about that.

11)Police- Another year, another round of shootings and planted evidence. A special fuck you to the police of Baltimore who have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that no one there is fit to wear the uniform after a series of questionable shootings and actual hard evidence of them planting drugs after they were caught multiple times on their own cameras. Police just shot an innocent man after a Swating incident went wrong and some gung ho cop shot an unarmed man, thinking it was a hostage situation which it wasn't. Here is an easy solution to this: If you are a cop and see a gun or something that could be misconstrued as a gun with a potential bad guy, you can fire. If he has nothing in his hand and shoot, at the very least you get fired, and at worst, go to jail. The end. I have watched at least seven shootings this year where no gun was found and the person shot wasn't even a bad guy. There has to be better protections from the public being shot because at this point, more cops are going to die when people decide it is better to shoot first to prevent their own execution.

10)Mass Shooters/terrorists- We saw some real winners this year. We got the start early January 6th at Ft Lauderdale Airport when an Iraqi war veteran opened fire killing five and wounding six. Then we had a mass shooting at an Orlando, FL warehouse that no one remembers, killing five. June 14th was the mass shooting at a Republican baseball game that killed no one but sure made Steve Scalise unhappy as he was shot multiple times but lived. October 1st saw the concert massacre in Vegas. Then just to round out the year on November 5th, a guy who should have never been able to even look at a gun, walked into a church in Texas and killed 26 including women and children. Muslim terrorists on the other hand only managed to run some people down in NYC right before Halloween killing eight and a failed attempt at a suicide bomb in the subway that only hurt the attacker. White men were the problem this year.
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9)Nazis- WTF? How are there STILL Nazis around. Watching these assholes march on Charlottesville screaming about Jews replacing them (how is that still a thing?) while holding tiki torches was surreal. Because the police there are apparently inept morons who have no ability to see anything beyond five minutes from now, violence erupted and one person was killed when a psycho ran a woman over with his car. Others identified at the rally lost their jobs, their wives and any chance of a normal life. Future rallies, like one in Boston went badly as they were outnumbered ten to one. Richard Spencer, the leader of the alt-right movement, got punched at one point leading to the best meme ever. Nazis have to be stopped by any means possible. Beating the crap out of these people is just fine in my book. Free Speech is a little too free lately. This garbage has to be stamped out and quick. History shows what happens when you don't.

8)#MeToo- Believing all women is quite literally how the Salem Witch Trial starts. While many, many men are sick perverts (see below for more about that), some are getting railroaded out for less then pure reasons. Corey Lewendowski, a guy I find repulsive, is being accused of slapping the ass of Joy Villa who famously wore a Trump dress. The problem is there is photos of her doing the EXACT SAME THING! Why is it okay if a woman does it but if a man does it, it is a capitol offense? There has been an epidemic of female teachers sleeping with their underage students, some as young as 11. Where is the outrage over that? This past year we were captivated by a fifteen year old who ran off with her much older teacher. This is going on every day but by the opposite sex and as a result the media can't be bothered. Then we have the attacks against some that are highly questionable like Sly Stallone, George Takei and worst of all, Al Franken. I am sure he did nothing he was accused of but was unable to defend himself because that would mean attacking their credibility which can't be done anymore as ALL women have to be believed now. He got run out of the Senate for a lie. Watch this get used more and more against any politician now that it has a track record. Great.

7)Sexual Predators- Leave your penis in your pants guys. Harvey Weinstein got the ball rolling and led to everyone from Kevin Spacey, to Louis CK to Max Landis run out on a rail. I wondered why Dirk Gently got cancelled as the ratings were good and critics loved it. Then came the wave of accusations against Max Landis who was white hot with many a project lined up. All of that is up in the air now. Mark Halperin got outed before his latest book came out, a fact I am truly sad about as Game Change and Double Down were two of my favorite books ever. Jeffrey Tambor and Jememy Piven, two people I am unsure about the charges about, both lost their TV shows over accusations. Matt Lauer saw his empire crumble as well as many lesser names that saw their jobs evaporate too. Expect more on the chopping block next year as Trump accusers see new life.
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6)Roy Moore- What a dick. He is still refusing to concede even though his opponent has already been certified and we will added to the Senate next week. His race gave the ruby red state a Democrat, the same level of stunned satisfaction that happened in 2010 here in MA when Brown won. He was a child molester who preyed on young women and that was not in doubt. The state of Alabama should be thrilled he lost as he would have been an embarrassment. Expect him to run for governor next though. Goody.

5)Evangelicals- These assholes backed Moore, even though he was a pedophile. They love Trump even though he has broken at least half of the Ten Commandments. What is wrong with them? Apparently they can't read as the Bible is chock full of reasons to not support either. What this means is this class of people have decided that being a Republicans is more important to them than morality or intelligence. These idiots are now heretics so they should assemble at the town square so we can stone them to death as the Bible preaches.
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4)Ajit Pai-No person on Earth do I want to smack the smile off than this dick. I HATE this guy worse than Trump and that is saying something. The head of the FCC may have fucked up the internet and has attracted a lot of death threats for his actions. Things like free porn disappearing or when people's internet businesses start failing, he better fuck off back to India because there will be a line thirty deep waiting to take a chance to shoot this fucker. People get really mad when you screw with what they like. Mess with the internet at your peril fool.

3)North Korea- This fucker is going to get us all killed. There is no way the US tolerates a nuclear armed NK. It will never happen. Yet, we have this insane midget going full tilt, somehow unaware that he is rocketing toward Armageddon. Yes, we have done nothing for decades that we should have, but that can has no more road to go down and we face war in the next twelve weeks. There is a solid chance if war does happen, our constitution gets thrown out and we have a dictator in chief under Trump. Millions will die if we don't figure out a way out of this mess. Had fucking Bush not screwed up the best chance for peace to make rocket manufactures happy, we wouldn't be where we are now. But Kim Jung Il died and his son is crazy. So is our guy. Guess how this is going to turn out?

2)Republicans- You guys suck hard. Not one is worth a handful of runny shit. And you assholes who keep voting for these morons are a special kind of stupid. The tax plan these idiots passed are going to fuck the middle class and some of you are cheering it on. You are not going to be so happy when that pittance of a tax refund you get is wiped out by a huge rise in local taxes and insurance premiums. That money is going to have come from somewhere, or else, see Kansas for how that turned out with school closings, bad roads and hiring freezes. Special fuck yous to John McCain for helping the tax bill get passed and to Jeff Flake, Lisa Murkowski and Susan Collins who all sold their souls for nothing in return other than voter scorn. Dean Heller can kiss his Senate seat goodbye for his treachery as he is up next year, unlike the other two. Flake is leaving but the other three will have a tough reelection when they seek it down the road. All of Trump's cabinet is awful from Betsy Devos to Ryan Zinke, whose connection created a whole problem in Puerto Rico when they hired a firm from his home state and were woefully unprepared for the job after being fired. Many have been fired from Sean Spicer to the Mooch to Flynn. There is a real chance the GOP loses both houses next year because recent elections show people showing up in droves to vote against these assholes. If this continues, and there is no reason it shouldn't, expect massive loses in 2018. Good.
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1)Trump- What an asshole. This guy has done everything he can do to make most of America and the world hate him. Even worse, it really looks like this guy has close ties to Russia. If Mueller makes that stick, it will make Watergate look like a snowball fight. It could even take down most of the Republican party as Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan have both been implicated in accepting money from the Russians through Super Pacs. Next year will be telling as one of two things will happen: either he gets indicted and impeached when evidence comes out about his involvement with the Russians or he invents a way to declare martial law and become the dictator he wants to be. Either way, turmoil lies ahead. Worse, there are signs he may be suffering from early onset dementia as seen in his latest NYT interview where he comes across as someone not all there. His aides were dismayed over this unapproved article which you have to read to see how insane it is. And he's PRESIDENT! He has poor motor skills as seen by his inability to hold any size glass in his tiny two handed grip which states his coordination is diminishing. Experts have said he is showing clear signs of early mental problems. The Republicans are using him like they did with Reagan before and we all know how all that turned out. Chances are good Democrats seize the House and possible the Senate next year. At that point expect A LOT of investigations and a certain impeachment should the Mueller probe unearth the kind of dirt I expect him to find. Trump is either on borrowed time or poised to kill us all. Let us hope Mueller finishes his case sooner than later because past March it may not matter if Tangerine Mussolini decides to attack North Korea. Let us pray that is not the end result because Trump's attack plans that have been revealed are beyond stupid to such an extent that experts in their field have literally laughed out loud over them and said they couldn't possibly be real as no one is that stupid. They have a higher opinion of Trump and our generals than I do. 2018 is going to be awful or great. Let us hope it is the latter. So congratulations Trump you are indeed douchebag of the year. If you end the world next year, know that you will have that title in hell for all of existence after you end humankind.

The democrats may suck but they are also our only hope. Vote blue or die. That is not a threat but a statement of fact as voting Republican will kill us all.

Thursday, December 28, 2017

WORST OF TV 2018: THERE WERE SOME REAL STINKERS THIS YEAR!

TV got better but mostly on cable. A common theme for both lists show that non network programs made up almost all of my best of list and the vice versa here. Why does network TV suck so bad? Nine of ten below are all on free TV, with only the top slot lost to a streaming site in what can only be described as one of the worst shows I have EVER watched. Let's see what else crashed and burned this year.

10)Valor- This CW show is a jingoistic nightmare best suited for some unknown cable channel you accidentally find rather than a major network. The one episode I suffered through had interchangeable characters, no plot to speak of and I think I actually dozed off near the end I was so bored. This will not make it till next season even being on CW.

9)Emerald City- Scraping the bottom of the fantasy barrel after Once Upon a Time and Grimm, both of which are either long gone or barely hanging on, this modern take on the Wizard of Oz didn't register at all with audiences and was cancelled quick. It was not missed by anyone.

8)Young Sheldon- I will be perfectly honest: I don't get this show at all. It is NOT funny, the main character is really annoying and it is nothing like the show it is spun off of. Going from a multi camera, stage version to a single camera, film version is jarring. It is a far cry from Big Bang Theory, one of my favorite sitcoms of all times. I actually stopped watching The Big Bang after the first episode and had to play catch up later because I thought it was way too smart for Idiot America, I was wrong. This show sounded awful from the get go and it was. But much like I couldn't believe it's parent show was a hit, I am doubly surprised that this unfunny mess is too.

7)24:Legacy- Here's a bad idea: Let's redo 24 without Jack Bauer. Audiences will love that. They didn't and the series was cancelled after it's thankfully limited run. Maybe the lead can go back to being Heath on the Walking Dead now so we can find out what happened to him.

6)Wisdom of the Crowd- This was a bad idea even before Jeremy Piven was accused of sexual misconduct by five women. A guy uses social media to solve crimes. Yawn. Audiences gave it a shot in the beginning but week to week the ratings tumbled and then flatlined when the star was suddenly toxic. To be fair, I have heard lots of horror stories about Piven for years but nothing of a sexual mature. He was just a dick. I do wonder if some of these stories against powerful people are because they were an asshole. Jeffrey Tambor may be guilty of the same. God help us if that is true.

5)Kevin Probably Saves the World- I've liked Jason Ritter ever since the failed TV show The Class which gave us such stars as Jon Bernthal, Lizzie Caplain and Jessie Tyler Ferguson. That show was way funnier than it should have been but never caught on. While the other three have all gone to great success, Ritter has struggled with some piss poor shows and others that just didn't do as well as one would hope. This was not going to be his salvation with a down on his luck guy picked by God to save the world. This will not be renewed for next season if ratings are any indication.

4)Megyn Kelly- This was a 12 million dollar mistake as NBC tried to transplant a Fox News host whose reporting was terrible at best and achieved the exact results we all knew would happen: failure. Her ratings on her nightly show were terrible from minute one and that carried on to her morning show. It was so bad her presence was dragging down subsequent hours as people turned to Good Morning America instead. Just like Jimmy Fallon's non political attitude dropped the Tonight Show to second for the first time ever. Kelly's politcal baggage sunk her as well. They should seriously think about buying out her contract and getting her the hell of their network.

3)Me, Myself and I- No comedy I watched this year was this unfunny. I struggled to get through one episode even though Bobby Moynihan and John Laroquette, two of favorite funny actors ever, were in it and NOT good at all. Playing three versions of yourself is hard, but is impossible to ignore the fact that none of the three looked like each other. Hell Laroquette is like a foot taller than Moynihan. What he do grow bigger in middle age? This was the first to get cancelled outright and for good cause. It was terrible.

2)Powerless- I stand corrected. This was the worst comedy of the year. Again, this had comic gold with people like Ron Funches, Alan Tudyk and Abed from Community in it and about people who clean up after a super hero battles goes wrong. What they forgot to do was make anyone interesting or even memorable with no backstory to anyone or even anything resembling development. Everyone who worked at the office setting was so interchangeable that I couldn't even tell you who was who. This was mercifully cancelled quick.

1)Star Trek: Discovery- This is what I discovered about the one episode I got to watch: I would rather watch all episodes of Enterprise on an endless loop than sit through one more minute of this super crappy TV show. THIS IS NOT STAR TREK! Star Trek is about hope and redemption and this latest series seems more Star Wars than not. It has to do with betrayal and dystopias and is so dark and gloomy it looks like it was lit by the same ass that worked on Nemesis, the worst Star Trek movie ever. The Klingons looks stupid, the were so many lens flares I thought my cataracts had returned and the acting was sub par. The dumbest and biggest mistake was making everything look so much more technologically advanced than they should as it takes place before the time of Kirk. This is why prequels never work in sci-fi as the special effects are getting better and better while in this time continuity they shouldn't be and it is jarring. I am not paying to watch a show I hated. I have no idea why anyone else would.

Runner ups- ABP, SWAT, Ten Days in the Valley, Fox News, You the Jury, American Idol: the return, Man With a Plan, Brave, Candy Crush, Scream Queens, Designated Survivor, Training Day.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

BEST OF TV 2017: A YEAR WAY BETTER THAN MOVIES WERE!

TV is rapidly becoming far superior to the failing film business. If you keep putting out crap like Justice League, The Dark Tower and a million other awful flicks, people stop going to the theater. Meanwhile, TV is attracting A-List talent due to the fact it is far more lucrative than films are now (residuals baby), and as a result, there are more TV shows than any one person could possible watch. And while there were a lot of fantastic programming this year, that didn't prevent them for also putting out some unwatchable crap. But that is for tomorrow. Here is the list of the ten best programs of the year. Take notice that most of the best shows are not on regular TV anymore.

BEST OF

10)GLOW- I used to watch this show all the time when I was a teen. It was terrible, trashy and stupid. I loved it. Now comes this fictionalized version of that same show and somehow managed to make a throw away program into a revolutionary tale about female empowerment. Alison Brie is luminous as a not so nice person forced to work with her former best friend (Betty Gilpin) whose husband she cheated on with twice. Their interaction is real and authentic and powers the show. The rest of the cast is awesome, especially the incredible Ellen Wong, Marc Maron and Sunita Mani all of whom people will recognize from other famous works. If you haven't seen this yet, make it a point to.

9)Game of Thrones- Wrapping up for it's final season, this year was short on nudity and plot, and heavy on action and rocketing toward a major finish. We saw the birth of the Ice Dragon, a big and slightly disgusting reveal about two major characters, and lots of lots of death. The end may not be until 2019 and I can hardly wait.

8)Walking Dead- This has been a great year for the show. Negan is a force to be reckoned with from last season to the mid-season finale. The betrayal of one of Rick's men was stunning and absolutely believable, Carol returned to bad ass mode after being stuck in neutral for way too long ( I hated that story line so much) and a major role, one who does not die in the comic, is going bye byes soon. I can't wait to see what happens next.

7)Preacher- This show is messed up and I don't care. A preacher with the ability to make people do whatever he wants, his psychotic girlfriend and a vampire take a road trip in search of God. I told you it was weird. It is also one of the best shows on TV.

6)Zumbo's Just Deserts- This Netflix show is an Australian import that is a cooking competition that is truly hard. Each week the contestants have to first make a spectacular sweet treat that conforms to the theme of the day. Then the two losers have a pressure test where that have to recreate an impossible task that usually leaves the final result nothing like what they should be. It is a lot of fun for the whole family.

5)The Good Place- One of favorite shows from last year, this season did not disappoint. Now knowing where they are, SPOILERS, hell, the three damned souls team up with Ted Danson's demon lord to hopefully escape as he is on the outs as well after failing so spectacularly. When dumb as a post Jason figures out where they were after thousands of previous failures, Ted Danson's mea cupla is hysterical. "JASON figured it out. That one hurt." I can't wait to see what happens next.

4)Lucifer- Man this show is funny and has a whole lot of pretty in it as well from both sexes. But besides the eye candy, the show is really put together well with interesting characters and well thought plot lines. This year with an adversary weirdly called the Sinnerman and the addition of Lucifer's step mom becoming a regular, this season has been a blast.

3)Supernatural- This show has been on forever and it still is good. My fiance forced me to watch this years back and I am happy she did. Sam and Dean rule. My favorite episodes are anything with the Trickster or Lucifer (different guy from above but both shows have poked fun at the other).

2)The Orville- Funny Star Trek. Who would have guessed that would work? A far cry better than the actual new Star Trek show that appeared briefly on CBS before being exiled to CBS All Access. This was the Star Trek we wanted and thankfully has been renewed for another season. Other than maybe the Cleveland Show, everything Seth McFarlane touches rules.

1)Twin Peaks- No show was more frustrating, scary, sexy funny and just plain strange as this. Kyle McLaughlin is fantastic as three versions of Agent Cooper, the real one, BOB and Dougie Jones. New characters and old ones arrive, including the last performances from the Log Lady and Migual Ferrier, both of whom died shortly after filming. David Lynch as Gordon was front and center here and great. The scene where a french lady is getting ready to leave, and taking FOREVER to do so, was everything this show was. It started funny, then got annoying, then a little boring, then funny again. Some scenes did stretch on for too long, like a guy sweeping up dirt for what felt like a month. But others, like an entire episode devoted to the birth of BOB and very Eraserhead, was my favorite hour of TV this year. The whole show was off the charts odd and riveting.The final scene of Laura Palmer screaming will haunt me. Catch it if you like weird stuff that doesn't fit into an easy box.

Runner ups- Will and Grace, The Defenders, The Punisher, Jessica Jones, Family Guy, Ghosted, Big Bang Theory, Kevin Can Wait (way improved from last year), The Amazing Race, Superior Donuts, The Flash, Legends of Tomorrow. Masterchef, Fresh off the Boat, Brooklyn 99, Ellen's Game of Games, The Wall, Joker's Wild, Jeopardy, The X Files, Gotham, Superstore, Will and Grace, Agents of Shield, Hawaii 5-0.